scared

I didn't mess this up. You did.
But why am I paying for it?
I thought things would be better by now
But their not
So I am going to tell myself again, next year it will be better
This isn't fair to me
Or you
Or them
I don't want to lose anyone
But I am afraid that this is going to happen soon
If I don't do something
But I don't want to do this
Because I still want to live my life
But sometimes you have to
To save the ones you love
I feel like you are taking advantage of me
And I love you all
But please leave me out of it
It doesn't mean I don't care
It just means I can't deal with it
And when I can't deal with it
I go back to my old..bad person
And I don't want to be that person
Not this time
I don't know how to deal anymore
Thoughts are racing through my mind
And maybe, If I am gone, you guys will come together again
And work together as a family
Not as individuals
Maybe I can be the reason you all come together
I am just to scared.