never know

i dont know how i should be feeling right now exactly
i feel as if i should not be sad
because im the one who decided this
but i really miss you
but i also dont
i feel different..sad? yet i feel okay cause i am not letting you down by not seeing you
by being in love with someone close to you
i am crazy for him
and i really like you
but i cant..my life is a mess

im not good enuf for you
and im sure as hell not good enuf for him
but thats life and baby


im going to survive this

pain pain pain

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit.
Love hurts.
Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel?
Pain is meant to wake us up.
People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters.
Pain is a feeling.
Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for the right to feel your pain.

it broke

i felt my heart break last night. i felt all the regrets this past while
ive changed, this person is not me
i dont know who i am anymore
you broke my heart
and you dont even know it. i thought i could trust you
and you broke it. i want to find myself but i cant
i just need to know what its like
to have one more day
just one more day
with you

ill change
i will do it all
i would dye my hair or even cut it all off
i would run to the moon and back for you
and anywhere in between
i just need you to take this chance with me
and not play these fucking games.


cause im not doing this shit
oh no

turn around before the lightning strikes

you like him
he likes you
you love his friend
he loves her
one day maybe but live for the moment and let whatever is going to happen..happen
it kills you to see him talk to other girls
probably more then it does for his ex to see him talk to other girls
which is sad
you will do anything to become what he wants
or now what this world wants

beauty. perfection
lose it
gain it

keep it off.

so you choose her

she gets prego at 14
has a kid at 15
yet i choose to have a mother and a father
regardless if they are together or not
and i am the one who is shunned out
is this right?
this is the hardest thing ever
i love her. i dont think her getting pregnat is bad
yet i also dont see me seeing my parent...even though they have another spouse is bad as well
i dont know what is going through your mind
and i know you love me
cause i love you too
but i need a home
somewhere i feel safe
somewhere i can bring my friends
and if you are consistantly drinking when we start this new life
well then i really dont know if my home, will be there
at least not yet
someone told me the other night
that were you are now
isnt where you will end up
i think this is right
but i think i wont end up in either
i will end up on my own
because right now,
i cant rely on anyone in my life..im beggning to think not even me
now i have liked him for years
yet i like his best friend
and you know he would never betray his best friend
which makes it even worse
because i would rather be with that one
it sucks because i know it will never happen
but i can just be looking at photos of him
and my stomach actually gets butterflies
and when he is with other girls, wow is it hard
i dont know how to pick...because if i choose the one i want
i know i wont get him
and i like the other one
just not like i like him..
cause i honestly think i love him
can you love someone without even really ever being with them
just talking to them
i think so
cause i feel really strongly about these
and these feelings really suck
i get lightheaded when he comes..or honestly when i text or think about him
it hurts so much and i wish you would be with me.. no one else
i would treat you right. i would never hurt you.
i would be the one to love you back
and i know thats all you want

because i do love you..
no matter one anyone says
you dont have to be in a relationship to love someone
and i know that first hand.

breathhhe.

just breattthe
dont fforgett dont forget
or you will lose it all
you will over reaact
and then sooooner or later you will regret it all
then cry in a friggen corner

but you knooow you are sooooooo much strongger then that
bright idea?




mhmm

so lets not forget to breathe okay girl?
and then it will be alright


or someone will just tell you againn
how they willll still be there when the heartache ends
hahaha




breatttthe girllly,
and smiiile at this world

ohh deary me

Thing may not always go right, for you In those times Just leave it behind Cause sometimes you gotta play the game Just to survive Without losing yourself Its a fight, its true It takes time Dont have all the answers No matter how hard it gets Hold on to whats inside Dont never let nobody bring you down girl Dont never let nobody tear your world apart Look in the mirrow and see who you are In the dark The paint chips have waited your heart So deep Cant you see See the light in the distance Open up your eye, look, look to the sky And believe Theres much more to life when you free Thats the key And in time You will find all the answers Dont have to loose your pride Wondering whats inside Dont never let nobody bring you down girl Dont never let nobody tear your world apart Look in the mirrow and see who you are Dont never let nobody bring you down girl Dont care what they say anymore Theres no time to be insecure

unload your past mistakes

Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame,
trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on


xoxo
i love you?

thiis iisn't the liife

there is only one way out


and its my decision now

im tired of living; but scared of dying

"My time has come, and so I'm gone. To a better place, far beyond. I love you all as you can see. But it's better now, because I'm free."


Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

I have that feeling

addicting

[wowww, this thing is addicting]
blogging that is

i dont know if i can let you in again
first i would do anything for you to come back
now that you are
i relalize that you did realize you messed up
and lost something you need
but i dont think i lost something i need
just a feeling i needed

i wont do this again
i wont let this happen
and i will stop it
before it does

i know your playing me
along with 3 other girls
but you know what
play away
cause this is one game
you wont win

scared

I didn't mess this up. You did.
But why am I paying for it?
I thought things would be better by now
But their not
So I am going to tell myself again, next year it will be better
This isn't fair to me
Or you
Or them
I don't want to lose anyone
But I am afraid that this is going to happen soon
If I don't do something
But I don't want to do this
Because I still want to live my life
But sometimes you have to
To save the ones you love
I feel like you are taking advantage of me
And I love you all
But please leave me out of it
It doesn't mean I don't care
It just means I can't deal with it
And when I can't deal with it
I go back to my old..bad person
And I don't want to be that person
Not this time
I don't know how to deal anymore
Thoughts are racing through my mind
And maybe, If I am gone, you guys will come together again
And work together as a family
Not as individuals
Maybe I can be the reason you all come together
I am just to scared.

what do you believe?

"Values are at the heart of every decision you make, every opinion you develop. They're an expressions of what you believe, and they provide the foundation for your reaction to everything that happens in your lifetime. What do you believe? Identify your beliefs and let them guide you through your life. Be strong and determined to never lose sight of them. Remember they belong to you and you are not alone. No one can ever take them away from you"

RIP

i dont care if i had you for 3 weeks
i miss you
you rocked
everyone thinks its dumb for me to cry
but i really cared for you
i wish you were here right now

Something good happened to you today--Did you notice

I want to start something new.
Everyday I seem to come home complaining how bad things are
I have problems in my life, I understand that
Everyone does and although they may be bad
Everyday I want to say three good things that have happened to me
throughout the day
Even the little things

"Don't let yourself get lost in your problems-focusing on a few positives will keep your head above water even in the toughest times"
--Earl Woods

PLEASEEE,

don't take the boy,

two oh oh nine

"You were only given this life
because you're strong enough to live it."

I am going to make it through this year
I am going to make it without any regrets
I am going to make it without losing any friendships
I am going to make it with my family

and I promise, I will make it.